79landau
G body junky
Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 227
Location: Delhi,Ontario Canada
|
 Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:09 am Post subject: Oil Cange...Men vs Women |
  |
|
An oil change can be easy and simple or as complicated as you are willing to make it!
Oil change oil change instructions for women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 10,000 km since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, use your debit card and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $35.00
Coffee Free
Total $35.00
Oil change instructions for men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, and cleaner and a scented tree, pay $75.00.
2) Stop by The Beer Store and buy a case of beer, $30, Drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Cool Look for 9/16 wrench
9) Give up and use adjustable wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up, finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of keeping it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to LCBO, buy more beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid’s sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid adjustable wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin swearing fit.
34) Throw stupid adjustable wrench.
35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit garage window.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for blowing over.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife.
50) 24 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $75.00
Impaired $2500.00
Impound fee $150.00
Beer $60.00
Total - - $2,785.00
But you know the job was done right!!!! |
|
Home Page
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Register
Photo Gallery
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
